So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
