will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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