She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
