do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
