curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
