honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
