so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
