True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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