i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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