I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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