hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
