How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
