I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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