I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just found puke in my bra..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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