Your dad touched me again.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
