a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
