After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
