I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
