god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
