i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
