wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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