You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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