I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
