I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
