Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
