I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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