you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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