I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
