My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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