david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
