I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
