I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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