Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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