Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
