k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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