I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
