I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
