you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they're like a gay fantastic four
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
