dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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