Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
