im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
