my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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