New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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