She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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