I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Operation Purity has been aborted
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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