i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
