Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
