mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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