Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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