How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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