So drunk its hurt
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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