Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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