I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
