porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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