I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
