there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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