I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
