Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
