did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
as a side note pls kill me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
