Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
