i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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