She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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