she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize