What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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