ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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