In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
