I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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