True but thats because hes a fetus.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
