Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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