I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize