i think my tv is drunk
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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