Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize