i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
