I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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