just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
